Being judged isn’t a new phenomena everyone has gone through it one way or the other. I’ve been judged, misjudged and I’ve learnt to deal with it. Be it in regards to my gender, colour of my skin, how I choose to wear my hair, my convictions, etc. I’ve learnt to separate sometime not always successfully people’s judgment from who I am.
However, nothing prepares you for being judged as a mum and the decisions you take regarding your child. What I’ve come to learn is that everyone has an opinion when it comes to pregnancy and babies. Everyone feels they are right and have a good moral compass and would want to express that – sometimes vocally, other times through the iron steel silence and laser focused stares. I had read somewhere when I was pregnant about judgement especially from mums (the worst kind), so I was aware but never fully prepared I have to confess when I had my first experience. I’m sure mums who judge have also been judged so it’s a ferries wheel that just keeps turning. I’m no saint myself I’ve been critical of some mums I’ve come across but I keep it to myself and then go home and speak freely where I know I won’t be the blade that cuts deep into someone else (not saying that’s justifiable)
When family members pass judgement through their kind loving ways – I’ve learnt to sieve through quickly and take what’s needed because I know they are coming from a place of love I never doubt that. However, when someone else goes at me, what gets to me the most is the fact that it comes from a place of superiority and in my mind I just don’t get it – in my mind I go “have you seen yourself in 3D camera?” and quickly build my defence wall.
Mummy chat groups are the worst. I’ve seen other mums with the luxury of anonymity tear down other mums for the questions they ask, decisions they make and lord their beliefs and ideas as superior. I guess it hurts much because this is the one thing in your life that you’ve probably given much love and attention to and someone judges every action which for you is an act of love. Anyway, that’s how I feel.
What I’ve learnt in life, especially as an immigrant (expatriate, lol!) is this; my beliefs are not yours which is totally okay. I’ve come to truly appreciate we are all different not in a good/bad way but different in terms of how we’ve experienced life and that as a matter of fact shapes and influences how we view life and the way we decide to live.
I know I probably have a life time of judgements to experience when it comes to my parenting skills ( I’m definitely not your conventional mum) but I’m finally getting to that point where I use those stares with heavy looks of disdain and undercover questions for concerns as a reference point. To stop and make sure I’m doing the right thing, then I move on and not give a crap! I also need to remind myself daily not to be the blade in someone’s day – so keep your self-righteousness to yourself and only act in true love for both the mum/dad and the child.