To say I’ve been stressed is a bit of an understatement – I feel like I have gone round the stress block a couple of times, gone under back on top and somehow squashed somewhere in the middle. A lot it personally induced (classic!) and others from the different elements of life. Hard work has never scared me but oh my, work, baby plus study is a new a whole new kind of “hard work”. It takes puts to test your believe about your own strength – lol! Every day I have a new-found respect for the women in my life who’s gone down this road ahead of me and did an incredible job!
So in the beauty of trying to find order to my seemingly chaotic mind, I decided this weekend to be really mindful of what I read, watch and listen to. Being particular about guarding my heart and mind, making sure I don’t expose myself to anything that already makes me feel worse or seemingly think this is the new normal – I have also been very present in every moment, especially with my daughter. It was not to find a solution and suddenly find a new me, it was simply to focus on what was most important, shut everything else out and simply be. It’s been the most restful weekend even in the midst of all the stuff I’ve had to do.
I guess the clarity of mind helps you see more that’s happening around you and boy I’m marvelled at how much Zoe has grown in 10 months. But most importantly is how much I’ve learnt from her this weekend on resilience.
Resilience doesn’t lose its power because you stop for a moment. The ability to step away from something that seems impossible and come back to it again with fresh eyes saves you from the agony of being burnt out by just the constant push/going at it. She’s been trying new things as she’s found the wonder of standing up on her own and trying to walk. Her fascination has been on a box in the living room which she’s been trying to get to and it’s been challenging. But at her 1st, 2nd or even 10th attempt when she doesn’t get it all figured out, I see her move away to play with something else. She continues with other things and then goes back to try again. And when I least expect it she finally figures out how to get the box off the dinning chair and have unrestricted access to its content.
I almost feel like every time she crawls away there’s a new piece of information her brain process that adds value or insight the next time she goes for it until finally it all adds up to her finding the right solution. I’m sure if she was stuck at it all day she would have gone through the different stages of anger, frustration and self-doubt. As ordinary as it might sound, for me it was revealing just watching her use the same process over and over for everything else. And in that moment when I saw the box open and the content scattered all over the floor, it clicked when they say “first you don’t succeed, pick yourself up and try again” – you can decide how you rise up to start again. You can sit up, breathe, dust the dirt off and give yourself a little time to process and then try again.
I have got one more day with her before its back to work and I intend to play as much as I can in our makeshift tent, talk in baby language all day and constantly put back her cloths and diapers back into the drawer, for some reason its super fun for her to empty out her drawer 🙂
Happy holiday tomorrow if you are part of the lucky ones.